Sunday, October 11, 2015


As I sit here on a Sunday morning I think about the last 20 years of my life.  Two marriages, Two Divorces (one not quite done)  One beautiful little girl who I love more than the world itself.  Two step kids that I adopted and love just as much as my princess, however don't share the same amount of love.

I'm living with my twin sister and her husband and family right now. I'm a foster parent to a 7 year old boy who needs love, time, and taught how a family really works.

I went to college and graduated, yes I was on the 6 year plan. However working full time and being a wife was hard work, so I am still proud of what I accomplished. (Although 40k in student loans, 12 years later still sucks.)

I have a career I love.  I get to help people, I get to be out in nature, I get to be autonomous and make my own schedule.

I cannot however express the amount of stress and pain I've been in over the last year.

I am currently going through a divorce and as everyone's not any fun, it's stressful and seriously makes me wish life would just chill it's shit for a bit because I cannot handle this anymore.

Sarah spends 50% of her time at her fathers house and 50% of her time with me. I miss her every single second that she is gone. I hate being away from her as I am very over protective of her blood sugar.

We recently found out that one of Sarah's blood tests/urine tests at her annual lab's shows that she's spilling protein into her urine.  Unfortunately, that's bad...really bad.  However except for making sure her blood sugar is in range (and I try to do this as much as possible) and watching her animal protein intake, right now there's not much we can do. It scares the hell out of me.
My daughter was 2 when she was diagnosed, She's 6 now. She's dealt with this disease for 4 1/2 years.  I am frustrated, because this disease can literally kill her fast (with a low blood sugar) or very slowly and painfully by shutting down organs, making her lose her site etc. It makes me want to cry. I don't like it I hate it.  and frankly this disease freaking sucks.

And on that note... We went to the Womens Expo today...
They had a belt type thing that fit's Sarahs' CGM, Insulin Pump, Continous Glucose monitor. All in one!!  It was $20, and a little bit big for her. But she likes it. it's comfy, it can go under or over her clothing.  :) Supposedly they also do a pump belt specifically for JDRF.  !!!  <3 it="" p="">