What to do....

I dont know what to do anymore. I cry almost every day. The love for him has yet to fade away. I pray that the Lord helps me to heal my heart so that I no longer feel the pain that I have been feeling due to the loss of a husband in my life. He will always be my first love. I Just wish that he would be my only love. But he wishes it not...What else is there that I can do? It hurts to know that he doesnt love me anymore....What can I do however? I cant exactly sit and wonder for the rest of my life what i've done wrong.

I know God has a plan for me. But Lord please give me strength as this just is not what I want anymore. I want happiness and love and fun in my life. Right now it seems like it's just a time for me to be completely miserable.

C.

Is it possible????

Is it anywhere near possible to stop loving someone? I just want to know. I'm sick of waking up each day to an empty bed wishing and praying that it was different. Praying that someone would be there. Someone who I was/am equally yoked with. Someone who loves me for who I am. Someone that I love and care about just as much as he loves and cares about me. God has a plan. but in the meantime am I supposed to be miserable. All I do is think of him. I want him back. I want my life back and most of all I want to go to church again someplace i'm happy about going.

I was asked to leave a church I didnt think I was happy at. After attending various other churches.. Guess what I figured out. I didnt dislike my church. I miss it. I miss friends that I had there. but guess what...he got them in the divorce...why? Because his boss was our pastor. Is it fair? I want my church back, my husband back, my family/inlaws back. but what do I get? I get misery. I feel like i have NOTHING left in my life. Granted I have a twin sister and a nice who love and care for me. I have Christ in my life. But I Feel so incredably empty. Everone says I have to love myself before anyone will ever love me again. Well guess what....feeling empty like I do right now I dont think it's possible.......

Cat

My day...

Sometimes....I just need a reminder that God is here for me..... Thankfully today I"m in a better mood.

Here is what's been going on this week..

Tuesday morning I'm awakened at eight thirty in the morning by the ex. He decided he wants into the house. WHY????? I dunno. But by law I have to give him a key or he can go ahead and call a locksmith then what? We would get into what my attorney called a "pissing contest"not the greatest language I know but I know what she means. I'm to the point where I cant handle the stress anymore. SO I went over to the old house and left a key where he could find it and left him some paperwork he needed to sign for the mortgage company to not foreclose on us. Well I couldn't stress myself anymore on Tuesday so I went ahead and waited until Wens morning and went over there. Praise God he did not do anything to the house except take the tires out of the garage which is what he wanted in the first place. No big deal there. I needed to get rid of them anyways. So after I'm done at the old house yesterday I think OH DARN I didn't get that paperwork he was supposed to leave so I run back into the house and look around....NO PAPERWORK!!!!!!!!!! I'm supposed to have it mailed back to the mortgage company ASAP!!!!!!! so I call his cell...no answer....I text message him...no answer....get frustrated..but call the mortgage company and tell him that I'm sending a copy of it with MY signature on it and I'm fighting w/ the ex to get the other signature. He tells me no problem as long as mine is on there..but try to get his. so I wake up this morning (I swear the ex KNOWS when I'm dead asleep!!!) to his text message on my cell phone saying the paperwork is in the mailbox. So I go ahead and since my roommate was already over by the old house I ask her to pick it up. She does it for me for which I'm thankful and get that one mailed to the mortgage company as well today. Why...someone please tell me. Can he not make this any EASIER for me???????
Catherine

me me me me me i wanna talk about me...

There's a song that i've heard...that goes.... "i'm not supposed to love her anymore" it seems to work that way for me....I'm not supposed to love my ex husband anymore. But I cant. I just cant stop loving him. how the heck am I supposed to stop loving him? Is it even possible? it's so darn frustrating!
I just want my life to be better. To be happier and enjoy my life. is it possible anymore? It doesnt seem like it to me anymore. I want my life back. The home, the family. etc. Where do I have to go now? I have nothing but my dog and my kitten at this point. I think in April i'm going to move to Arizona. I just cant stand the thought of being alone for the rest of my life. I just want to be happy. Is that possible? I dont want to be 70 years old and alone. With no children or anyone to love me besides my pets. I dont want to have sixy cats and a few dogs just being stupid like that. i'm sick of it. i'm sick of being alone and i've only been alone for a year.

Is this how it's supposed to be? Am I supposed to be unhappy? Is this what God has in store for me? I just dont know anymore........

Cathy

Life

It's a few days before Thanksgiving. I dont know what i'll be doing. i've been invited a few different places. But I have no desire to do anything. I will be working 8-5pm. I chose this so that I wouldnt have to suffer the entire day watching Thanksgiving shows with happy families everywhere. I sent my sister $25.00 to buy a ham or turkey and a few fixings. I know it's not much. But it's all I had. I need to buy my niece a Christmas present, and my mother and brother and grandparents. then i'm done. My Christmas list is now..........down to a total of six people. Less then half what I had two years ago. I miss my huge list. I know I used to spend hundreds of dollars. Now....I dont have a husband or his family to buy for and it hurts. I miss having his family in my life. Yet I dont think he even cares. His mother wrote me a letter which I happened to receive on my birthday. It said basically that she didnt want to talk to me anymore because it feels like every time she talks to me that she's betraying her son. What about me. I Know blood is thicker then water. But what about the nine years of my life that she was a mother too me. It doesnt matter anymore. My heart hurts so badly now that i've lost his family. I lost him...and his family....and no one seems to care.

I'm trying to date. I want to find someone to love, a companion, someone who cares about me. Why is this so hard? Why do I hold back any feelings. Is it because of him? Is it because I'm afraid of getting hurt. When it comes to men I either fall for them...or have no feelings whatsoever. it's like I cant just go ahead and slowly develop a great relationship. I dont know what the heck a relationship is supposed to be. My mother sure as hell never had a stable relationship. My father either. Both sets of grandparents and great grandparents did not have great relationships. Who the hell is my role model supposed to be? Sure not June Cleaver and family!!! But yet what can I do? Do I just not date and be that woman that lives on the corner with sixty cats in her house. spending all my time cleaning litter boxes and feeding cats? Or am I that bitter old woman that wants nothing to do with children even though I would love to raise a half dozen of them? What does life hold for me? What will my life hold in another year....five years.....fifty years? Only God knows. and only God can lead me in the right direction...now for me to listen to his directions.....

C.

tisket a tasket

I went out on a date today. Third one since my divorce. I'm so not versed in exactly what the things to do and not to do are yet. It's hard not talking about my ex and my "past" so to speak. So we talked about politics, religion etc...all those "taboo" subjects your not supposed to discuss. But if your not supposed to talk about those things then what in the world are you supposed to talk about....The weather???? I dont know if your supposed to hug or kiss or what to do when it comes to saying goodnight/goodbye. Oh well. Life goes on. he called me to say he enjoyed my company today...I assume that's a good sign. I swear dating ten years ago and dating now are two different things. I dont know what to think of people. Are you supposed to have sex on the first date? The tenth?? When do you know? when are you not considered a whore if you do? UGH>>>>life is confusing LOL

Catherine

My life

OK this will be a short one as i'm trying this out. I'm 25, divorced. I never thought I would say that word after my name. I have just recently gotten divorced and feel horrible about it. I miss being married, I miss having someone to hold me at night, someone to cook for when I get home. Just someone in my life in general. I'm thinking about moving back to Arizona to be near my twin sister and her daughter. My angel Ashlynn is my niece who I love and adore with all my heart and soul. She gives me a reason to get out of bed each day. To hear her voice is like to hear an angel talking.

Anyways. Just a little more about me. I live with a roommate in a Townhouse in Ozark, Mo. I work for a bank as a technical support specialist..a glorified name really. I have a dog and a kitten who I could not swear is smoking the cat nip at night after we go to bed :) My roommate also has two cats so we have a full house but I wouldnt trade it for anything in the world :)

Nough about me for now,

Catherine