A few weeks ago I went away for a week to Phoenix. I went to see if I could find a job I wanted in Phoenix. I found one..Heck found two actually. I'm wanting to move out there. But sheesh I'm pushed. The friends I have here are like NO NO NO dont go...then I have my family there going YEAH YEAH YEAH move here!!! It's frustrating Dammit!!! I am supposed to be married and living happily ever after with my husband NOT making these damn decisions. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of having to make all the new decisions in my life. I want my life back. Tonight I made a mistake....the mistake was of popping in the old video of my wedding. Almost eight years ago.....we walked down an isle and said we would love honor and obey till death do us part...why the hell did this not happen? why didnt it last forever. Why cant he just tell me? But he has no excuse. He has no reasonsing. Yeah everyone keeps telling me to quit pining over him...quit trying to figure out why he has done what he's done. I'm so frustrated. Frustrated that I DONT KNOW and I HATE NOT KNOWING!!!
But i'm attempting to move on. I just dont want to be sleeping around anymore (not to say i've been sleeping around at all either). I want someone that really wants me to be me and really wants to be with me for something other then sex. Is it even possible? Is it possible to find someone that I can love again? Everyone I meet I compare to him....WHY !!!!!!!!! damn it pisses me off more then anyone will ever know...
