Friday, April 27, 2007

It's been a while....

OK so it has been quite a while since I decided to write my blog. Life has been quite busy and i've not exactly felt very good considering. I have had some bad migraines lately as well as a few anxiety attacks and thus this has kept me away from working. I have been on short term disability for about a month. And i'm still not yet getting to go back to work yet. I also want to be able to go to school but that's not happening either. Truthfully between the stress of Dennis being sick earlier this year, add to that the stress of being a new step mother and everything else. I just truly don't know how to "relax" enough to get better. And now i'm suffering from allergies so all told I truly feel as if I was just put into a room as far away as possible from everyone, possibly I would feel better. Who knows. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like I'd be better off dead, I hate feeling as if I have no hope.
It seems as though no one listens to me, no one pays any attention to what I request the only way to get anything thru to anyone is to YELL and then when I do become a biach! and start yelling then i'm the complete bad guy. I give up. What the hell does everyone else want from me? I cant be both the perfect wife, mother and employee while no one else gives a crap about what is important to me. Truthfully as much as aI hate being single and as much as I love my husband and step kids I wonder if they would be better off without me and me without them.
My husband doesnt care what I want, he is lazy and willpush everything off onto me as much as possible and to him that's ok. What happened to things being 50/50 hell no that's no where near what we have. what we have is Me being a slave to everything and him...well he will only help when I totally loose it...and yet i'm the bad guy!!!! I give up...someone tell me what the hell i'm supposed to do!!