Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Out on the Lake today

ok so I went out on the lake today with a friend..... Saw a beautiful full rainbow...if I'd of been less occupied I would of snapped a picture of it.... So in all it was a nice day. Worked six hour's of Overtime today...two and a half yesterday and tomorrow...will be another two and a half...Yes i'm hoping for a REALLY nice Oct 15th paycheck.. Thats' what i'm using to hopefully move out of my sisters house!

Oh and Lake Pleaseant was very Pleseant and on a Tuesday afternoon...there's darn near no one there LOL but I think that has to do with people at school....my niece however was sufficiently TICKED when she found out I went out on the boat without her lol Now I can rub that in LOL and she hates it :)

Anyways...Please for everyone who know's me and my twin say a prayer for her as she's having problems with this pregnancy as well. We dont know what's going on but as in everything else in our lives...God's will, will be done...

Friday, September 23, 2005

My birthday's coming up.......damn that sucks...

OK so i'm up at ten fourty PM and I have nothing else better to do on a Friday night then to sit here and type in my blog. I'm chatting with some friends online but. Sheesh how pitiful am I :P. Anyways. Wanted to respond to an email I received today.

I am 25 almost 26. For the last three years my birthday has been HELL. my 23rd my best friend killed himself. my 24th my ex asked for a divorce and my 25th I received my divorce...........my 26th will be spent in court..........Is there ever going to be a good birthday for me?????I want a real birthday with cake and romance and feelings...NOT just sex and lust..but fun and love and .....damn i'm a romantic and a Christian so I dont sleep around..that destroys' all semblance of just going to get laid.

HURUFMPH ok it's past my bedtime. i'm going to get to bed..have to work OT tomorrow WHOO HOO Over twenty bucks an hour allllll day tomorrow...


Racism in 2005!!!! Sheesh!

OK so it's not much longer...and I shall be moving in to my own place...Isnt that great. I will finally for the first time ever live in an apartment that's all mine. I'm not so sure how much i'll enjoy it though LOL...it's gonna possibly be lonely..>Wonder who my first visitor will be. I hoped for J** however....Now I dont know. i'm assuming that since he got back from his trip he's been busy with his new toys and therefore doesnt even care I exist. I swear men......amuze me.

So I went on a date the other night. Someone please tell me when it is ok for a man to make a rude racist comment on a first date!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This young and obviously well to do black man and his caucasian wife walk in together with their young child (obviously mixed) We are at a restraunt that is not HIGH end but high enough up there where I wouldnt be going myself cause i'm not into snooty places but apparently the guy wanted to impress me. Anyways so I am eating my shrimp ( Yes I ordered low priced on the menu i'm not a bitch) and this family walks in and is seated probably twenty feet from us. The guy goes "Dammit it's people that like fucking N*****s that is ruining the white blood of America" "You cant just breed people like that out of the white mans blood".......My jaw just dropped. Here I am sitting dressed up..hair done..makeup on...thinking it was going to be a good meal. I comment to the effect of it's life and it's a choice and I dont see a problem with it. It's not for me but my entire family is full of mexican, asian and i'm sure somewhere in there black. But this guy just starts going on and on how we have to preserve the white race and that since i'm blonde haired and blue eye'd I should understand.

I was aphalled. If this is what dating is going to be. I think i'll stick with Fuck Buddies and friends. I got up and left the restraunt. I couldnt just sit there and let him think I was alright with his attitude or I thought it was ok to be a bigoted PRICK!!!!. Someone please tell me when this became an acceptable attitude. I went home and ate spaghetti O's.....tasted better then the damn shrimp did after that jackass ruined my meal...............


Tuesday, September 20, 2005

If I had a million dollars

OK so I have a hard time figuing out what to use as a title half the time. So what the hell...

I was driving home the other night...In lovely five o'clock traffic (which leaves whole helluva lot of time to think!). Anyways. I was driving home thinking about my life. My accomplishments, my family, and the people i've been with in life. There are so few people in my life that I could ever think back on and know that I wouldnt change a thing about our "relationship". Sounds silly I know. I did finally come to the realization that I am finally (thank GOD!) over my ex. LOL two years after we became seperated. I'm happier. Dont get me wrong I have my regrets. But I went on a date a few weeks ago (ok we had drinks I dont think that quite qualifies as a date I dunno...remember i'm knew to this) anyways we went out and talked and kissed and fooled around...and for the first time ever I didnt think of my ex once.....hea it's a step in the right direction!!



Sunday, September 18, 2005

If a man is talking where no woman can hear him...is he still wrong?

OK not much to say tonight. Kinda bored really I have a date tomorrow evening. I'm not so sure i'm enjoying this dating thing. What exactly are you supposed to talk about? UGH...Although with this new guy we've discussed all topics from Religion to Politics to Racism...So I dunno anymore.

I still wish I was dating R or J and yet neither of them contacted me after a few dates..Is it really that hard just to say i'm sorry no longer interested..good luck! HURUMPH...

oh well...i'm not in this dating scene to just get laid. I want something else...a friendship, an exclusivity really...but we shall see what continues to happen...


Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Looking for love in all the wrong places

So I wonder if I'm an idiot or just unlucky in love.

I met a guy. I enjoyed our first "date" as well as the second meeting and third too. But is it just me or do men have their own time table and only they are allowed to make the plans? It's like he has time for me when it's convienent for him only. He's not interested in me I guess for anything but that three letter word....let me give you a hint..it starts with an S and ends with an X.

I dont know what to think about the male population anymore. I want friendship and love and cuddling etc..But apparently from what i've been told i'm fuckable however not datable. I am fully aware that i'm overweight. I know i'm not attractive to all men. But I dont want just any man. I want a man who wants me for who I am not anyone else. I'm working on loosing weight. I wont be fat forever. So what when I do finally loose all the weight people wont date me because i'm skinny?

I'm not looking to change for someone unless it's a change for the better. After seven years of marriage I found myself. I dont necissarily love every aspect of my life. But I am who I am and that's all I can be. I dont want a replay of what happened two years ago. I'm over the divorce. and i've now moved on with my life. I can truthfully say i've had a few days where i've not thought of my ex at all...Good days are ahead..now if I could just find someone to share them with......