Thursday, October 22, 2009

I'm Angry

I don't even know how to go into this.
Last week on 10/13, I left my home of three years..drove to the courthouse downtown and filed for divorce. I just could not do it anymore. I couldn't take the anger the pain the constant disrespect. I just could no longer stand the arguments or the attitude. It wasn't just one person that caused my marriage to fail. I hold part of the pain myself. But honestly it was a few different people. I wanted so bad to make it work but I just could not any longer. I want my daughter to grow up happy and well adjusted. Three years ago I never ever ever thought I would end up being a single mother. I never thought it would end. No one ever goes into a marriage i'll give it a few months and if it doesnt work out...we can just go ahead and end it.

I want a happily ever after. Dennis and I are trying to work things out but honestly I need to start thinking more about what I want. Do I want to stay married? Do I want to give my daughter both a full time mother and a full time father?
I'm angry though. I'm angry all of a sudden he wants to be a father and I have to share. I'm angry that I am going to have to share with him. I'm angry that my baby is not just mine and because of my anger at him and my anger at the situation I'm not in the mood to play fair so that he get's to see her too. Who should have more custody me or him? I'm just so darn angry and so frustrated and honestly. I want someone to tell me it will all be ok. I'm not in the mood for the I told you so's or anything else like that.