Horrible about posting

To all my avid fans (ok all like ten of you) Sorry I have not been very zelous in keeping up. I've been so busy.
So I recently started back to Grad School so that keeps me busy about 30 extra hour's a week. Add to that the fact that I recently got into an accident and messed up my back and shoulder i've just not felt like sitting at a computer any longer then I absolutely have needed too.

Something I did want to comment about. ---
As many know I work for a Insurance company that is centered towards providing services to military members and their families.. I've worked there for two years. I recently was asked by a friend what my point of view was on the recent church protest that was held at a soliders funeral. I have to say I was horrified. http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/10/31/funeral.protest/index.html#cnnSTCVideo

I cannot imagine that you would scream obcenities towards a family who is mourning a family member that was lost. Sitting there blaming Gay's for the dead soliders and the war in Iraq. What are people thinking. I think that the church deserves to be sued. I have always whole heartedly agreed with freedom of speech. At almost any cost. But this passes lines. This is horrible and hateful and mean. Why would you even attempt to do this. Protest all you want but do NOT protest the funeral of a person that has died attempting to save the lives of those in another country.

As my grandmother has once said
"Do not judge until you have walked a mile in that mans' shoes" I know it's an old indian proverb or something like that but she said that all the time.

It's disgusting and I pray to God that

Who am I?

At 17 I became Catherine Tiffany, Wife of Travis Tiffany. The love of my life. At that time of my life I thought this union would last forever. God forgives, we should too. The bible says forgive 70 times 7. Which to us should mean an infinate amount of forgiveness, just as God has. Unfortunately, on Oct 27th, 2003 my world as I knew it crashed down around me. I was no longer Mrs. Travis Tiffany. I was the seperated wife. And a year later, I was then deemed and the EX-Wife. Here it is going on four years later. I cannot believe that it has been this long.

On June 30th, 2006 I got remarried I am now Mrs Catherine P*****. Wife of Mrs Dennis P*****. I still wonder how this is going to work out. Getting married so quickly after we met could not of been a good idea. We have many ups and downs. I love him but I'm afraid of loving him. I'm afraid of getting hurt like the first time. IS this fair to him? Probably not...actually I know it's not. I do not give my full self to him. How fair can I be to someone when i'm so afraid of losing everything all over again. I have two step children now. Do they deserve me to only be half of my former self. I do not know how to love endlessly anymore...

stupid people

so today I get to work, park in a parking spot that is unmarked. I just got an e-mail that states I need to move my vehicle or else I will be ticketed. mind you I work in a large building, Corporate security is getting ticked cause I parked in an area that carpool only people can park. Well...Since I have handicapped parking plates I should be able to park anywhere there is a handicapped parking spot. But apparently that's not true.....Hmm....now i'm a little more then irritated.....

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Your results:
You are Yoda

Yoda 75% Luke Skywalker 74% R2-D2 73% Obi-Wan Kenobi 72% Qui-Gon Jinn 64% Princess Leia 63% Padme 61% Han Solo 59% Chewbacca 59% Mace Windu 59%

Wise and all knowing you are…yes. Tall, dark, and handsome? Not so much I'd say.

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It's been a while....

OK so it has been quite a while since I decided to write my blog. Life has been quite busy and i've not exactly felt very good considering. I have had some bad migraines lately as well as a few anxiety attacks and thus this has kept me away from working. I have been on short term disability for about a month. And i'm still not yet getting to go back to work yet. I also want to be able to go to school but that's not happening either. Truthfully between the stress of Dennis being sick earlier this year, add to that the stress of being a new step mother and everything else. I just truly don't know how to "relax" enough to get better. And now i'm suffering from allergies so all told I truly feel as if I was just put into a room as far away as possible from everyone, possibly I would feel better. Who knows. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like I'd be better off dead, I hate feeling as if I have no hope.
It seems as though no one listens to me, no one pays any attention to what I request the only way to get anything thru to anyone is to YELL and then when I do become a biach! and start yelling then i'm the complete bad guy. I give up. What the hell does everyone else want from me? I cant be both the perfect wife, mother and employee while no one else gives a crap about what is important to me. Truthfully as much as aI hate being single and as much as I love my husband and step kids I wonder if they would be better off without me and me without them.
My husband doesnt care what I want, he is lazy and willpush everything off onto me as much as possible and to him that's ok. What happened to things being 50/50 hell no that's no where near what we have. what we have is Me being a slave to everything and him...well he will only help when I totally loose it...and yet i'm the bad guy!!!! I give up...someone tell me what the hell i'm supposed to do!!

Time away...

So today is my first day back after being off work for five days. Hubby has been quite sick due to a cold as well as earlier this year (HA HA...it's only the 15th!) he was in the hospital because of his Chron's disease. So anyways. I've been taking time off to make sure that he is alright. Nothing scares me more then the thought of losing him.
When he was in the hospital the last time he ended up getting too much of a painkiller and it almost killed him. He stopped breathing and it really freaked me out. They called me at 4:45am and told me that they were transferring him to ICU. They couldnt tell me exactly what was going on as they had just started the transfer. I was there within half an hour. All I remember thinking as I drove was..."we've only been married six months...this isnt fair...I cant lose him already....I cant live without him" I was so afraid as I made phone calls to my sister, Dennis' grandparents, bio dad's house and others. I just could not believe that this was happening to us. Now that he is home and alright i'm still constantly freaked out. I cannot sleep at night with him next to me without thinking he's not breathing or something silly like that. I wake up all night long..and have to go to the living room to sleep without checking on him every ten minutes.
The drug's are just NOT helping me at all to cope with this. I'm angry, frustrated, and extremly bitchy lately. Why is the darn anti depressant/anti anxiety drugs working correctly. I truthfully don't know what to do at this point. I have a appointment with the Shrink tomorrow morning. I sure as heck hope that in some way this issue can be resolved...cause I definately cannot keep doing this.....