Saturday, January 29, 2005

Is it possible????

Is it anywhere near possible to stop loving someone? I just want to know. I'm sick of waking up each day to an empty bed wishing and praying that it was different. Praying that someone would be there. Someone who I was/am equally yoked with. Someone who loves me for who I am. Someone that I love and care about just as much as he loves and cares about me. God has a plan. but in the meantime am I supposed to be miserable. All I do is think of him. I want him back. I want my life back and most of all I want to go to church again someplace i'm happy about going.

I was asked to leave a church I didnt think I was happy at. After attending various other churches.. Guess what I figured out. I didnt dislike my church. I miss it. I miss friends that I had there. but guess what...he got them in the divorce...why? Because his boss was our pastor. Is it fair? I want my church back, my husband back, my family/inlaws back. but what do I get? I get misery. I feel like i have NOTHING left in my life. Granted I have a twin sister and a nice who love and care for me. I have Christ in my life. But I Feel so incredably empty. Everone says I have to love myself before anyone will ever love me again. Well guess what....feeling empty like I do right now I dont think it's possible.......


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