Sunday, April 12, 2009
I don't wanna go back to work
I know I am totally lucky in the fact that I work from home 60% of the time and 40% of the time I am out and about in the city working. But I have to say I am not ready to go back to work full time. I want to stay home with my baby girl. I want to enjoy my time with her and cuddle her and enjoy being a mommy like I have for the last going on eight weeks. I miss her when I am away for even ten minutes let alone a ten hour day on the road for work. I know I don't have a choice. Unless I feel like getting a divorce (although quite often I do feel like getting divorced) and marry a rich guy... I am stuck. I have to provide insurance for my family, I have to provide financial stability. It sucks. I'm the mommy...I want to stay home with my baby. And yet that is NOT an option for me. and some days I really really hate my husband because of that. When we first met he worked at a good job making good money. And now..he's home..on disability..not caring and not taking good care of the family as he should. I mean literally he doesnt cook, doesnt clean, doesnt anything. And frankly I just want to be a mommy. I am scared to death of what will happen in June when I have to go to Ohio for four full days. And I will not be here to protect and nurture my daughter. I am scared that I will get called out for a catastrophe and have to be gone for four weeks. I love my job...but really...i'm not so sure it's worth me being away from my daughter that much. I have to figure something out though. Either that or I have to get over the fear of leaving my husband with my baby.