Sunday, July 03, 2005

it's been a while.

Yeah yeah I know it's been a while I've been busy moving. I'm now in Arizona living with my sister. I miss missouri a lot but I dont miss the memories. Things are harder out here. Monetarily anyways. I miss my friends. and most of all I still miss him. However i'm doing something some may consider hateful. I'm claiming bankruptsy and put down to surrender the truck. I cant help it. If I dont claim now then six months down the line the truck get's repo'd then i'm responsible for it. Not just that but that damn truck should of been out of my name a long damn time November 30th 2004 to be exact. So I dont really feel sorry for him. He's done nothing but hurt me all this time. And i'll be darned if i'll let him hurt my credit anymore so i'm just gonna claim the bankruptsy and get on with my life.

I'm living with my sister and her fiancee. It's not too bad really. I spend the majority of my free time with my niece and when my sister is home with my niece and sister. But i'm still lonely. I want someone who cares about me but I just cant seem to find that one person. Maybe I screwed that up by not making my husband happy originally. I dont know. i'm so tired of feeling like it was all my fault. No one cares that I was so damn lonely. That he worked so many hours. Heck his boss never put in as many hour's as he did. But they all thought it was alright. What about my needs? What about when my grandmother died and my work called him and he came and said "follow me and go home I dont have the time to bring you back to get your van later". Or when I was leaving to go to Kansas City to fly to California for the funeral and he didnt even care I was in so much pain. No one cared. Or how about when my grandfather was sick or the million of other times I needed him and he was never there. but no I was the horrible wife. Yeah our house would be messy but hell he lived there too! UGH I hate my life so much. I can only Pray that GOD gives me the strength to go on and get over it all and find someone who really does love me.

Catherine Tiffany

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