OK so I went to see my mother yesterday we have never gotten a long since I was a child. I don't know why. I know i've been angry at her for years. I never got to have that perfect child hood that every child deserves. I am angry for the way she treated us as we grew up. The only thing I ever wanted was a mother. Instead I got the friend. However friend isnt even the word. The one time I really needed her she hurt me more then anything. No child should ever be blamed for something that is not their fault. No faults should ever be thrown back in their face. But she did. I dont think she even cares anymore. Or even know's why we are not the happy-carefree mother/daughter we were so long ago.
She has a great relationship with my sister. I think that's because my sister can give her grand children. I cant. I wont. I want to be in love with someone and married before I decide to have children. I went to see her and she acts as though i'm not there. She talks about pretty much anything but my life. I try to get into a conversation. Try to get support but all I hear is about my grandparents, or my sister, or my brother or money or what she's doing where she's at. But never does she has no desire to know any pain i've had in my life. She's never coped with anything. Never been supportive of me. Never has she wanted to be. Is it so bad that I want my mother to tell me everything will be ok even if it wont be? The I told you So's and the rubbing of things in my face still hurt but she doesnt care. I'm 26 years old almost and I feel like my mother is more of a sister. My mom said last year I borrowed money from her. I dont remember any of that. I remember borrowing money from my grandfather and my brother and never her but she insists. She must be smoking something because she owes my sister and I and my brother money...She must be going senile in her 43 years! Oh well I guess.
I'm gonna go....
Catherine
